Chapter 30

As I write this entry, I’m reflecting on my 30th year of life. Looking back, it was a difficult, but very rewarding year.

If I’m honest, it wasn’t even close to what I thought my 30th year would be. If you asked my younger self, I would’ve told you at 30 years old I would be married with children and settled into a career I loved. In reality, it was the complete opposite. This was the year where I lost a job, realized I don’t want to be a mother, and was single for a 7th year.

Instead of living my plan, I ended up getting serious about my mental health, having to find a new job, working towards my dreams, and trying things out of my comfort zone.

Last year, I welcomed 30 years of life by crying most of my day. I was feeling depressed, lonely, and like a failure. How would I achieve all my goals in a year? There was no way. That proved to be true. There was no way. After a few weeks of being depressed, I had to face that the plan wouldn’t work. Good thing was, I still had job security. By April, that was gone. Losing a job, even one I hated, was a hard blow. As I was escorted out, I found myself being happy and terrified at the same time. The couple of months following were a blur. Those two months provided me time to rest, but also time to overthink and worry.

Once I found a job, I soon realized that it wasn’t the right one. I was still in a career that didn’t match my passions. By August, I decided it was time to step into my passion. I took the step to become a kitten foster mom. It has been the most difficult and rewarding thing I’ve done in my life. In addition to this, I took my trip to New Orleans. During this trip, I met incredible people and learned that my soul wants to travel more. I’ll be going to California and New Orleans (I loved it) in 2021.

What will 31 look like? I’m not sure. I hope it’ll include more animal work, growth, therapy, travel, self-exploration, and vulnerability. Overall, I hope to explore myself without expectations.

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