I sit across from my therapist. I’m telling her about my relationship with my family. She looks back at me confusion taking over her facial expressions. I feel confused myself. She points out the disconnect between my body language, tone, and the event I’m sharing. According to my therapist, I look completely disconnected from the experience.
I look at her and pleasantly smile. I know why she’s confused. It’s easy for me to smile and laugh through my limited memories. For some reason, I’m able to fully disconnect. My anger comes in strong waves. I’m completely able to detach until it washes over me like hot lava. My anger bubbles to the surface and disappears just as fast.
For me, anger is something that is not easily embraced. I do love my anger and it serves a beautiful purpose, but the idea of fully feeling into it is terrifying. What if I lose control? What if I am consumed by it? What will I do with it?
I’m not sure I have the answers, but I am sure it’s time to explore my feelings fully. After all, the body keeps the score. My body has suffered enough. Today, I commit to use my anger in healthy ways, and to express it through exercise. Today, I no longer allow my past to consume me from the inside out.
How do you express your anger?